Category: Zen Buddhism

Posted in Zen Buddhism

Deer Park Retreat 2004, Day 1

Posted on by Myodo

2/20/04 Deer Park
The drive was beautiful! Huge storm clouds covered the sky, reminding me of west Texas. I-5 goes right next to the sea.

Ocean in winter
Hungry waves eat up the shore
Sky and sea, all gray.

I drove past a navel base. I only got a glimpse of their signs as I went by at a speed certainly in violation of state law. But I saw the big “GO NAVY” and their unit’s motto:

Honor Courage Commitment

Not a bad philosophy for any undertaking.

And then…

“I have arrived”

…proclaimed the sign in large, friendly letters.

After a bit of confusion, I found my way to the registration office, which was closed for lunch. So I walked, took pictures, smiles, & breathed.

A nice lady showed me to the tearoom to wait. Then a nice man came to tell me the registration office was open. I registered, & the same man showed me to my room.

I was initially disappointed to learn that Thay [Thich Nhat Hanh] would be in Irvine on Sunday. Then my roommate Trish told me I could bus in with the sangha. She convinced me it would be fun, so I’m going.

Now I have a choice of total relaxation, dharma discussion, or hike. I think I’ll take the hike. 🙂

7:03 PM
I missed the hike due to getting lost. A friendly monk set me on the right path, but I was too late. So I went to a dharma discussion. Too new-agey for me. Too much drama, too much angst. I’ll try to find better uses for my time.

My roommates are all white, middle class. At least they aren’t all American.

Trish – SC
Christine – France
Kate – northern CA
Stephanie – WV
Carolyn – northern CA

Katy & Carolyn are in the same sangha at home, & neither knew the other was coming!

We had tea & cookies courtesy of Christine & Trish. Our neighbor Jackie joined us. Seven women sitting on the floor. 🙂

Posted in Zen Buddhism

Deer Park Retreat 2004, Preparations

Posted on by Myodo

2/15/04 Huntington Beach, CA
I begin yet another journal. This one was purchased for my first overnight retreat, which starts at the end of this week.

May I approach it with no expectations. May I remember that there is nothing to attain.

May “I” fall away.


“The places we visit owe us nothing for the effort we expend to visit there.” – Eric Chaline, “Zen and the Art of Travel”

I can ill afford the time away from work. I’m frightened of going away by myself. I’m scared of sitting for a week when the longest I’ve ever done is a single say.

May I approach this retreat free from expectations…

Posted in Zen Buddhism

Deer Park Retreat 2004, Prologue

Posted on by Myodo

I went on a retreat to Deer Park Monastery in Escondido, CA in 2004 to study with Vietnamese Zen Master Thich Nhat Hanh. It was the “rainy season” retreat. All the monks and nuns from both of Thich Nhat Hanh’s monasteries were in residence: about 250 of them. There were also about 250 lay people. The retreat lasted three months. Some few lay people were there the entire time. I got to go for a whole week, and it was a mind-opening experience.

I kept a journal then, and I’ve decided to publish it here for what it’s worth. As always, to practice right speech I may censor people’s names. (For example, you won’t find which of my roommates snored.) I was rather opinionated in parts of my journal of 4 1/2 years ago. I’d like to think that I’m less so today. Whether I’ve grown or not, I submit my journal “warts and all.” Perhaps there’s something to be learned here.

Posted in Tibetan Buddhism, Week in Review, Zen Buddhism

The Week in Review through 11/23/08

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Meditation:

Demon Feeding:  1
Prajna Paramita Practice:  5
Zazen (periods):  4
Metta:  3

Chanting: 1

Teachings:

Talks attended:  2

Books Finished: “The Perfection of Wisdom” translated by R. C. Jamieson

Notes:

Thursday night Tim gave a short dharma talk.  Sunday morning, Zen Master Jibong gave a long talk on the 4 Noble Truths and the 12-Link Chain of Dependent Origination.  I took about 8 pages of notes, in addition to the 12 pages of handouts he gave us.  Whew!  Heavy duty training.

Saturday evening we had a Buddha auction at the Zen Center.  Tim and another senior dharma teacher, Anita Feng, make amazing clay and porcelain Buddhas.  I got two statutes at such great prices, I felt like I was stealing.  I also got a pendant with a Buddha face.  It was a nice evening; I got to talk to some members of my sangha and get to know them better.

Posted in Week in Review, Zen Buddhism

The Week in Review through 11/16/08

Posted on by Myodo

Meditation:

Demon Feeding: 2
Prajna Paramita Practice: 6
Zazen (periods): 4
Metta: 1

Chanting: 2

Teachings:

Talks attended: 1

Notes:

Zen Master Jibong gave a short talk on awareness. As always, powerful teaching.

I did a “roll your own retreat” yesterday. There was a day-long scheduled at the Zen Center, but I was still too congested from the flu. Even my rabbit was giving me funny looks and twitching his ears at all the unpleasant sounds I’ve been making. I decided I’d be more comfortable at home, and this way I wouldn’t disturb others’ meditation. So in between blowing my nose, walking the dogs, fixing meals, taking a nap, and generally feeling miserable, I did a few hours hard training. It was wonderful. 🙂

I’m doing less Demon Feeding practice these days and more Prajna Paramita practice instead. I’ve become fairly familiar with my demons, and while I’ll continue to have a relationship with them, they are quiet enough for now to allow me to focus on other practices.

Posted in Week in Review, Zen Buddhism

The Week in Review through 11/2/08

Posted on by Myodo

Meditation:

Demon Feeding: 7
Prajna Paramita Practice: 2
Zazen (periods): 1

Chanting: 1

Teachings:

Talks attended: 1

Notes:

Zen Master Jibong gave a talk on growing up and taking responsibility without losing our childlike enjoyment of life. On the absolute level, form is emptiness. In 300 years, where will you be? Nothing we do matters. On the relative level, emptiness is form. One person can make a difference. Everything we do matters.

It was a profound teaching. I was ready for it, since my recent retreat. Prior to that, I don’t think I would have understood a word the man was saying. I’m sure he’s talked about absolute and relative truth before, but I swear I have no memory of those terms until Lama Tsultrim taught them at Spirit Rock. In the month since then, I’ve heard Jibong and Tim both speak of them many times.

Isn’t that interesting…?

Posted in Zen Buddhism

The Importance of Good Equipment

Posted on by Myodo

About 8 years ago, I finally invested in a zafu (the round meditation cushion your butt goes on) that I found on sale in a local yoga studio.  I was a starving student, and it was a large financial commitment at that point in my life.  I did without the zabuton (the big, square mat that goes under the zafu, where you rest your knees).  For all these years, I’ve put my zafu on the bed and convinced myself that I had an adequate substitute.

I learned better, of course, from going to my Zen Center and other meditation halls, places that had the “right” cushions.  The bed tends to lead in toward the center as the mattress wears over the years.  Zabutons, being thinner, don’t have that problem.

Finally, last week, I ordered myself a zabuton.  I found the company that had made my 8-year-old zafu and ordered from them.  (Hey, the zafu has proven to be good quality, so why not.)  I’d been meditating daily since my return from the retreat at Spirit Rock, and my back was no longer up to the angle produced by the mattress.

Immediately, there was an improvement in my meditation posture.  Now I’m usually meditating twice a day, with no more discomfort.  If I’d known what a difference this would make in my practice, I’d have purchased a zabuton years ago.  Then again, I wasn’t this dedicated to my practice years ago.  So it all works out as my karma ripens.

Posted in Zen Buddhism

Present Moment, Only Moment

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When I know I am going to be doing something in the near future, I start to prepare emotionally and mentally.  For example, when I know I will be going to sleep soon, I like to have a quiet environment to begin to still my mind. I don’t like to have a lot of noise and activity.  I love to watch motorcycle racing with my husband, but not soon before bed.  But why?  Why do I spend time in the present preparing for an event that may not come at the time expected, in the manner planned, or even at all?

My grandteacher Seung Sahn said, “When tree comes, only green; when sky comes, only blue.”  I say, “When motorcycle racing comes, only watch; when bedtime comes, only sleep.”  I resolve to do what I want or need to do until the moment it is time to do the next thing.

Posted in Tibetan Buddhism, Zen Buddhism

Spirit Rock Retreat 2008, Day 7

Posted on by Myodo

9-27-08
11:00 AM
Notes from Lama Tsultrim’s talk

Prayer for the Post Meditation
May my visions become like the deities’, may my sounds become like mantras, and may my awareness be like the state of dharmakaya. – 1st line. This prayer is said to be the last words of a lama.

Tsultrim’s long life prayer was written by her teacher at the request of one of her students. Tibetan tradition is that as Buddha was dying, he said, “If you’d asked me, Ananda [one of his main students], I would have stayed longer.” So long life prayers for teachers are common.

[After her talk,] we did Prajna Paramita practice with her guiding it. Very nice.

Closing Schedule

Saturday

2:30 Sitting

3:00 Closing announcements

4:00 Open

5:15 Dinner

6:00 Working Meditation

6:45 Sitting/Sky gazing

7:20 Stretch Break

7:30 Tara Mandala slide slow – upper walking hall

Sunday

6:30 Sitting/Sky gazing

7:15 Breakfast

9:00 Pack/Clean room

9:30-11:00 Closing Session

11:35 AM
Notes from Debra’s talk

When we’re not resting in absolute truth, we have the tools to deal with relative truth. Meaning we can take the practice off the mat and into the world. What is the part of my identity that is keeping me from my true self? Who am I?

Repeating Question meditation: “Who are you?” asked by a partner. Don’t try to get somewhere. Just attempt to describe the indescribable. Giving it words can allow it to become embodied. It doesn’t have to make sense; it’s an exploration.

I had my same partner. While listening, I had no trouble staying grounded for a change. I saw myself as Prajna Paramita, yellow, luminous & radiant. My lower two arms were in my lap, keeping me grounded. My upper two arms were made of golden light, reaching around to encircle the young woman in font of me. I was fully grounded & holding her at the same time. Then I realized, as I listened to who she is, that she is Green Tara. 🙂

Afterwards, we had Q&A with the teachers.

Tsultrim: in tantric Buddhism, a woman is in her power during menstruation. The blood was sacred & placed on the altar. The sun is a feminine symbol & the moon a male symbol.

Anna: menopause was estrogen withdrawal, like withdrawing from a drug. It’s a teaching on the power of this body. Then there’s a sense of “that’s not who I am, either.”

Tsultrim: “Machig is depicted as luminous. Dancing. And naked!” She practiced in cemeteries, carrying menstrual blood in a skull cup.

4:58 PM
Wild turkeys make a very cute, high-pitched little sound when they’re pecking the ground for food. It sounds nothing like “gobble.”

I’ve written several times that I “miss” Michael. Yet I don’t feel sad or lonely. I simply look forward to seeing him again. Coming here has been very good for me. It’s kept me sane (sane-ish) while he’s been in Japan.

10:00 PM
Another amazing day comes to a close. I’m happy to be returning home. I have savored my time on retreat, and now it’s time for the next course.

Tsultrim is a manifestation of Machig. I’ve known this on a subtle level for several days, and then it burst upon my consciousness this morning. Tonight, in the optional session when she showed slides of Tara Mandala, she told us how two different Lamas (one in Tibet, one in Nepal) had officially recognized her as an emanation of Machig.

Tsultrim did book signings tonight, & I actually stood in line for this! (Very unlike me.) Of course, I didn’t stand in line long, since I was fourth in line. When my turn came, I asked Tsultrim if I could give her a bow from my tradition. She smiled and said yes. So I bowed like I do for the Zen Master: standing bow, full prostration, standing bow. She smiled her radiant smile and said, “Thank you.” And then she suggested I teach Prajna Paramita at the Zen Center! I told her I’d love to, and I meant it. Should be an interesting talk with my teacher.

It didn’t occur to me until I started to write this down that something fairly significant has happened: a Tibetan lama has given a Zen Buddhist permission to teach a Tibetan practice in a Zen Center. Whoa. [It is unusual for traditions to “cross-pollinate” like this, and also unusual for a teacher to permit someone who has not studied with them for a long time to pass on their teachings.]

One of the things I love about Tsultrim is her total lack of exclusivity in her teachings and approach. She reminds me of all that attracted me to Tibetan Buddhism 10 years ago. It might even have been enough to lure me back if it weren’t for my ever-deepening connection with my Zen Master.