Tag: Meditation

Posted in Tibetan Buddhism

Spirit Rock Retreat 2008, Day 3

Posted on by Myodo

9-23-08
9:45 AM
Notes from Lama Tsultrim’s talk [Tsultrim Allione]

Jna – ancient Indian goddess of inner knowing. Same root at gnosis. Old Testament Sophia – mentioned in proverbs. Her influence was felt in Europe at the time of Christ, when Prajna Paramita appeared in India. Eruption from the collective unconscious? (Note to self: Look up Sophia; who was this chick?) [Female embodiment of wisdom in Hellenistic philosophy and religion, Gnosticism, Eastern Orthodoxy, Roman Catholic mysticism, and Protestant mysticism.]

Prajna Paramita is the mother, or source, of all Buddhas. She is the wisdom that we all pass through en route to Buddhahood.

She represents non-dual truth. Her sutra grew to 100,000 lines. People realized it was out of control, and by 500, it was reduced to one sound: Ah…! Later it become the Heart Sutra.

Buddhist deities are symbolic embodiments of enlightened qualities.

We practiced assuming the body positions the goddess is represented in, visualizing the different things she holds.

Notes, Con’t.

The Gnostic gospels state that Christ’s teachings were the transmission of gnosis: inner wisdom, no clergy required.

Vajra: masculine symbol, frequently held by Prajna Paramita. Upper 5 points are the 5 skandas [form, feeling, perceptions, impulses, consciousness]. Lower 5 points are 5 wisdoms (or 5 male Buddhas). Ball in the center is emptiness, where the transformation occurs. The vajra represents masculine skillful means and compassion.

In her other hand, Prajna Paramita holds the Prajna Paramita Sutra, representing the feminine. Her other hands are in the mudra of teaching: relative truth & absolute truth, both hands around the wheel of dharma.

She sits on a lion throne – like Buddha, & Neolithic images of the earth mother goddess.

Dharmakaya – a class of deities who are formless, even though Prajna Paramita is shown as embodied. She is an abstract principle, the feminine matrix.

Other “deities,” like Tara, are not archetypes. They are energy fields we can attune to. They exist whether we believe in them or not, because they made a commitment to be.

Prajna Paramita is golden; south; earth; transformation of pride to wisdom and equanimity.

Namo: Sanskrit for homage.

2:15 PM
Backing up a bit – I got in a run today, right after breakfast. Nearly 2 miles of hills. I walked past the turkeys, just like I do dogs, so they wouldn’t chase me! Also, I passed 3 gorgeous horses several times as I ran out & back twice.

I went back to the bookstore. Nothing speaks to me for Michael. But I did get myself a pendant with White Tara on one side and Green Tara on the other. It was affordable, & the nice lady gave me a cord for it. It turns out I didn’t need her assistance: purchases are on the honor system. Put your credit card info on the form & slip it in the slot! Amazing.

5:07 PM
I took a nap this afternoon! I kept dozing off during the 2:30 sit, I had a headache, & my legs hurt even though I moved from the floor to a chair earlier today. (Too late on the chair, apparently.) So I let my body & mind rest.

6:30 PM
I’m looking at the handout from Lama Tsultrim, and her center – Tara Mandala – is in Pagosa Springs, CO. I spend a week in Pagosa Springs once. What are the odds? The wheel of karma, perhaps?

6:50 PM
Notes from Lama Tsultrim’s talk

Prajna Paramita is no thing in herself, but has the potential to “give birth” to everything.

“Womb of totality” – awareness of the vastness of space.

Meditation: turns the universe around – by stopping our habitual, destructive, grasping behaviors, & turning them around.

Instinct is karmic patterning. The body we end up with is important. Cats want to kill. “As soon as you get a cat body, you’re going to want to kill things.”

The bodhisattva vow can never be accomplished. The work never ends. “It’s like working in the Post Office.”

9:11 PM
Tsultrim finished giving us transmission of the Prajna Paramita practice. It has the potential to be very powerful in my life.

I’m wearing my new Tara talisman to bed tonight. I want to infuse it with the energy of the sacred feminine, like charging a battery. When I got here, I was wearing a wonderful pendant Ron & Julie gave me, covered in symbols of many faiths. I was drawing energy from it, as it came charged with their love, when I got to this new place. But I’m home, here, now, and comfortable. For a while this afternoon, I was wearing both. Now it’s just Tara.

It is a widespread Buddhist custom to stand when senior teachers come in & out of the room. In Zen, we do it for Zen Masters. Tibetans do so for Lamas. I had stood for both Zen Masters and Lamas before – all of them male. It occurred to me today that Tsultrim is the first woman teacher I’ve stood for. I have very confusing emotions around this [that it’s never happened before], so I’m not going to make anything by thinking about it. I have noted it & will move on.

I feel a strong kinship with the different teachers in training here. They keep time during meditation, serve their teachers water, record the talks, & follow their teachers into group interviews. Some of the duties are similar to what I do at my Zen Center. These women will be my contemporaries in teaching the dharma, if we all stay the path.

I had a snack after work meditation in the kitchen today. (How did they get purple cauliflower, anyway?) I had a thin corn cake with organic peanut butter and 1/2 cup soymilk. I’m hungry constantly here, & I’m hoping this will keep me from waking up hungry. I don’t think the food is very well nutritionally balanced. They are trying to accommodate people’s allergies, and with only about 100 people to feed including staff and teachers, they can’t offer a lot of options. If I work on getting some protein snacks during the day, I think I’ll be okay.

Posted in Tibetan Buddhism, Vipassana

Spirit Rock Retreat 2008, Day 2

Posted on by Myodo

9-22-08
1:25 PM
I decided to sleep through the early meditation this morning. Wonderfully luminous!

There was a herd of 4 small deer outside my door this morning. They watched me put my shoes on. Yesterday, I walked past 2 wild turkeys 6′ away.

The teachings on the sacred feminine so far have focused on how to be compassionate & care for others without giving yourself away. We did a partnered meditation called “inquiry” where one person speculates aloud on a suggested subject while the other listens deeply without getting out of herself. I’ve done deep listening, but never with this focus. It’s hard! Hard training.

Out subjects have been (1) ways the deficient feminine manifests in our lives, and (2) ways the sacred feminine manifests.

I have decided not to go running today. One of the managers told me they advise against it on vipassana retreats, but if I must go, go downhill from the residential area. Since I have a group interview with a teacher at 4 today, I’ll check with her. I don’t want to do something counterproductive to my – or another yogi’s – retreat experience.

My new mantra/koan:

Isn’t that interesting…?

3:47 PM
I went to the bookstore looking for gifts. This was just a recon mission: no buying today. On the walk back, I encountered a herd of 5 deer, & 2 wild turkeys. Damn, those are big birds.

I enjoyed the free-form movement practice. Part belly dance, part yoga, part stretching. It almost became nap practice for me at the end when we were all stretched out on the floor. “Connect to the earth like no one needs anything from you for the next few minutes,” said the teacher [Julie Wester]. Wow! What a concept! I thought I had an unending string of responsibilities to countless people.

4:45 PM
Notes from group interview with Anna [Douglas]

On noble silence: “For women, it’s an invitation not to caretake.”

She told me to go running.

“Trust our own knowing. As women, this is something that needs refining.”

With the silence, I had no trouble liking everyone. Now that I’ve talked to some of the women in a group, however, I get to practice not judging!

9:45 PM
Dinner was good. Anna gave a dharma talk on Prajna Paramita, the goddess – but mostly on what the sacred feminine means & can mean to the world. This retreat is helping me build self-esteem & grow more comfortable in my roles that are gender-based.

I enjoy my night job of veggie washer. Very relaxing and satisfying. I wonder what dish those 15 lbs. of parsnips are going to turn up in…

Lights out.

Posted in Tibetan Buddhism

Spirit Rock Retreat 2008, Day 1

Posted on by Myodo

9-21-08 Spirit Rock
4:15 PM
Christine picked me up. We stopped & had hot tea on the way to the airport. I look forward to seeing her next week when she picks me up.

The flight was fine. Had an entire HS [high school] football team aboard. As a fellow passenger said, “Way too much testosterone on this flight.”

Met Babs & caught the shuttle. She’s a “back to the land” rancher who raises Percherons. I enjoyed her company. We got to SR early so we went hiking. Beautiful vistas in the rolling hills! Saw a fawn & several hawks.

My roommate, Kate, seems nice. Very mindful.

My work meditation is to wash vegetables. How appropriate! I did this at Deer Park [Monastery] & hated it. I volunteered for it here from the available jobs so I can practice detachment – or non-attachment. Now, I’m off to get trained. I wonder how much training I’ll need in washing vegetables…

7:30 PM
Dinner was good, though light. Lunch is the big meal here.

I managed to avoid washing any of the 40 lbs. of bok choy! I did help wash 13 lbs. of roma tomatoes, 8 lbs. of bell peppers, & 1/2 flat of cherry tomatoes. The other members of my veggie washing team are Regina, Barbara, & Micha (who just got married to her girlfriend of 21 years!)

Kate & I have set up our home & basic ground rules. We have established that she is the window expert & I do the blinds. We managed to “fix” both.

I hope Michael did well in his [motorcycle] race. I think of him often. The only reason I regret not brining a camera is that I would have liked to share images of this place with him.

9:30 PM
The opening session was great. Chanting the prajna paramita [mantra] – 80 to 90 women – chanting at a pitch I can reach rather than too low. Lots (too much?) estrogen in the room. 🙂

It’s so quiet here, I can hear my tinnitus constantly. I could even hear my heart beat during meditation, though, curiously, only on the inhalations.

The talk opened with a quote from Ammachi about how feminine energy is needed to save the world. Something certainly is needed. I hope I can help.

Now it’s off to sleep. I look at my wedding ring tattoo, remembering the night Michael & I got them – & then went dancing at Miss Kitty’s! I think I just found the one sacred thing that only I share with him…

1st interview
Anna 4:00 Rm 1 9/22/08

Schedule

6:00 Wake Up

6:30 Morning Sitting Meditation/Sky gazing

7:15 Breakfast Meditation

8:00 Walking Meditation

9:00 Sitting Meditation

9:30 Teachings

10:30 Walking Meditation

11:00 Sitting Meditation

11:30 Teachings

12:30 Lunch Meditation

2:30 Sitting Meditation

3:00 Movement or Walking Meditation

4:00 Sitting Meditation or Small Group Interviews

4:45 Walking Meditation

5:15 Dinner Meditation

6:45 Sitting Meditation/Sky gazing

7:20 Stretch Break

7:30 Teachings

8:30 Working Meditation (Washing Vegetables)

9:00 Sitting Meditation

9:30 Sleep

Posted in Tibetan Buddhism

Retreat

Posted on by Myodo

Tomorrow I’m heading up to Spirit Rock for a week-long retreat: Awakening Through the Sacred Feminine – a Women’s Retreat. It should be interesting since my flavor of Zen teaches “nothing sacred,” and I’m hardly into being a chick.

So how did I find myself in this predicament? Timing. My husband is going to Japan for a week for work (I know, the poor dear!), and I miss him far too much when he travels to want to spend a week alone. So I’m going to a place I’ve never been with a bunch of people I’ve never met. Make that a bunch of women I’ve never met.

I’ve never been terribly in touch with my feminine side. I’m no tomboy, but I’m hardly a girly-girl, either. I’ve always been career-minded and never wanted to have kids. So when I’m around a bunch of women whose lives revolve around their husbands and children, I’ve found we have nothing to say to one another.

Since I’ve become a Buddhist, however, I’ve found a whole culture of female spiritual seekers. There were probably seekers in the Presbyterian church were I grew up, too, but I never found them among the congregation of 2,000. Being outside the mainstream as an American Buddhist only attracts serious seekers; the tourists don’t tend to stay long. The result is that I’ve formed some very close friendships with women in the last few years.

I’m actually looking forward to my trip. It may prove to be “hard training,” as my Zen Master says. But that will be a good thing. I haven’t sat a long retreat since 2004, before I met my husband. It will be good to be unplugged and disconnected for a week. With my husband in Japan, it’s not like we’d have a lot of contact that week, anyway.

It may have started out about timing, but it’s become about what I can learn, how I can serve, and what tools I can bring home at the end of the week.