I’m back from my retreat at Spirit Rock, though I’m not quite “up to speed” yet. After moving that slowly for a week, it takes me a few days to reenter the stream of modern life. I kept an open mind, and therefor learned some wonderfully powerful Tibetan meditation practices. I’m still sorting out all that I learned and trying to integrate it into daily living. Once I’m more settled, I will probably go into my insights in more detail.
Retreat
Tomorrow I’m heading up to Spirit Rock for a week-long retreat: Awakening Through the Sacred Feminine – a Women’s Retreat. It should be interesting since my flavor of Zen teaches “nothing sacred,” and I’m hardly into being a chick.
So how did I find myself in this predicament? Timing. My husband is going to Japan for a week for work (I know, the poor dear!), and I miss him far too much when he travels to want to spend a week alone. So I’m going to a place I’ve never been with a bunch of people I’ve never met. Make that a bunch of women I’ve never met.
I’ve never been terribly in touch with my feminine side. I’m no tomboy, but I’m hardly a girly-girl, either. I’ve always been career-minded and never wanted to have kids. So when I’m around a bunch of women whose lives revolve around their husbands and children, I’ve found we have nothing to say to one another.
Since I’ve become a Buddhist, however, I’ve found a whole culture of female spiritual seekers. There were probably seekers in the Presbyterian church were I grew up, too, but I never found them among the congregation of 2,000. Being outside the mainstream as an American Buddhist only attracts serious seekers; the tourists don’t tend to stay long. The result is that I’ve formed some very close friendships with women in the last few years.
I’m actually looking forward to my trip. It may prove to be “hard training,” as my Zen Master says. But that will be a good thing. I haven’t sat a long retreat since 2004, before I met my husband. It will be good to be unplugged and disconnected for a week. With my husband in Japan, it’s not like we’d have a lot of contact that week, anyway.
It may have started out about timing, but it’s become about what I can learn, how I can serve, and what tools I can bring home at the end of the week.
My First Public Talk
I gave my first “public talk” Tuesday night at the Zen Center. It was the first public talk we’ve had in a very long time, so no one from the public showed up. Except my husband – who is not technically a “member” of the Zen Center – so he sort of counts. Some of my sangha-mates were there, and it was nice to have their support.
My husband asked me a number of good questions. Some of them were from his Taoist perspective, others were from his trying to pretend to be a newbie. All were helpful. Some of my sangha friends asked questions, too. Other times, they jumped in and answered my husband’s questions. It was all quite lively and engaging. The question and answer period ran longer than my talk!
I’m relieved to have survived my turn. I’m pleased with how it went. My friends (and I include my husband in this) gave me some helpful feedback. I know the next time I come up in the rotation, I’ll do an even better job.
On Speech
“I vow not to make the bad karma of lying, exaggerating, causing trouble between people, or cursing others.”
Adapted from “Understanding Zen Forms and Rituals” handbook of the Golden Wind Zen Center.
On Conduct
“I vow not to make the bad karma of killing, stealing, or of lust.”
Adapted from “Understanding Zen Forms and Rituals” handbook of the Golden Wind Zen Center.
Tonight’s Meditation
One of our sangha members had to leave early tonight to go back to work. “I have to be a computer hermit,” he explained.
The Abbot said, “We’ll meditate for you.”
And we did.
On Mindfulness
“I vow not to create the negative karma of desire, anger, or ignorance.”
Adapted from “Understanding Zen Forms and Rituals” handbook of the Golden Wind Zen Center.
Perceiving Sound
I had an opportunity recently to participate in a “sound healing.” It was a deeply moving experience. The lady who gave it, Kabalah of Gaia Mama, uses Tibetan singing bowls, Tingshas, gongs, chimes, and her voice. The sound pressure made the cells of my body vibrate. I forgot to breathe. There was nothing else, only the sound. The sound was everything. The sound was me, and I was the sound. The sound was the world, and the world was the sound, and I was the world.
“Perceive World Sound” is the translation of the “Kwan Um” School of Zen, founded by my grand-teacher, Seung Sahn. He was an advocate of chanting the Great Dharani which, according to him, has no translation. At my Zen Center (which has since split off from Kwan Um in the time-honored tradition of Zen Masters striking out on their own), we chant the Great Dharani as well as several chants in Korean. No one at our center understands Korean. It’s about the sound.
The story of the Great Dharani’s origin is that the Buddha gave it to a monk (or a monkey, depending on the version of the story) who had done something that he was feeling remorse over. He kept worrying about it, focusing on his past and thereby missing out on the present. The Buddha said he was creating karma for himself by dwelling in the past. The mantra was designed to help him concentrate on something other than his own misdeeds, thereby purifying his karma.
Some people don’t care for chanting. Personally, I enjoy it. It deepens my breathing and calms my mind. And it immerses me in sound until there is no me, and only the sound remains.
What is Zen?
On the phone tonight, my mom asked, “What does the word ‘Zen’ mean, anyway?” And I realized I didn’t know. It’s a school of Buddhism, but as for translating the literal word, I was at a loss.
So I took the question to my teachers at the Zen Center. Our head teacher said that the word originated in China, “Zen” was the Japanese, and there was no English equivalent. He offered the analogy of Zen being the connection between Ginger Rogers and Fred Astaire when they dance. It’s the point when you can’t tell where one stops and the next begins. It’s the fluid, ever-changing energy in each moment of the dance.
I think my mom will like that.
The Four Great Vows
Several members of my Zen Center and I are studying to become dharma teachers. (“Dharma” is best translated as “teachings,” thought I’ve seen it as “law.”) We’re beginning at the beginning: studying vows. One set that we say after each evening’s meditation is the Four Great Vows. Tonight we received some wonderful instruction on what these really mean at various levels
Sentient beings are numberless; we vow to save them all.
Delusions are endless; we vow to cut through them all.
The teachings are infinite; we vow to learn them all.
The Buddha way is inconceivable; we vow to attain it.
Living in the Dash 